Monday, July 30, 2007

Gideon's Second Christmas

Christmas time’s a comin’ for the Tyree household.

Melissa and I have a lot to celebrate. Gideon (who turned 21 months old on December 6) is happy and healthy. He weighs 30 pounds, is at least 35 inches long, and still has eye-catching curls in his strawberry blonde hair.

Gideon has learned many words and phrases, such as “I’ll fly away,” “Paint it black,” and “delightful cat.”. He can count to 10, knows most of his letters, and is mastering the concept of opposites, such as up/down, in/out, off/on, easy/payments, etc.

For several months, we’ve been reading Gideon a children’s book about the Nativity. Of course it’s a cleaned up version, omitting all the scenes of tripping over scattered frankincense and myrrh during midnight feedings.

We’re still limiting the amount of television that Gideon watches, but he did get to see the holiday classic “Santa Claus Is Comin’ To Town” (the one with Burgermeister Meisterburger). That show answers the question “How did Santa Claus get to be Santa Claus?” (Before the show, Gideon probably assumed that Kris Kringle got where he is by contributing to the governor’s reelection campaign.)

Gideon has yet to see Daddy’s favorite holiday movie, “It’s A Wonderful Life.” More and more each year, I realize that Frank Capra was the perfect person to direct the movie. We would have lost too much of the sentimentality with the Ivan Pavlov version. (“Teacher says, every time a bell rings, a dog salivates.”)

As far as seasonal advertising goes, Gideon is fascinated by the Coca-Cola commercial featuring the penguins and polar bears. In a brilliant move, Coke has forever intertwined its products with thoughts of home, thoughts of family, thoughts of bird flu…What will they do for an encore next year -- sponsor the Carbon Monoxide Poisoning On Ice Spectacular?

Gideon had a wary encounter with the “right jolly old elf” who gave him a lollipop at a local retail outlet. To avoid confusion from multiple mall Santas, we’ve decided to tell Gideon, “There goes a man pretending to be Santa Claus.” Sort of like when we see Sen. Bill Frist and explain, “There goes a man pretending to put his stocks in a blind trust.”

Gideon delights in playing with the ornaments when we encounter a Christmas tree. Yes, a Christmas tree – not a “holiday tree.” I fear that by the time Gideon is grown, we’ll be calling the thing a “whatchamacallit,” because the Politically Correct Police think the word “tree” will offend the poor losers who live in the desert.

As for retailers who shun “Merry Christmas,” if they’re worried about offending shoppers, they should think twice about the 21 percent interest on their charge accounts!!!

Ah, there will be time enough later for giving Gideon pompous lectures about The True Meaning Of Christmas. Right now we’re busy with The True Meaning of “Let go of the cat’s tail right this minute, and I mean it this time!”

Gideon gets into the spirit of the season, caring about the less fortunate. Of course with his limited worldview, the less fortunate consists of Scuffy The Tugboat, Charlie The Train, Winnie the Pooh when he gets stuck in Rabbit’s hole, etc.

May you experience Christmas with newfound innocence. May you renew your inner child. May you put down that B-B gun before you put an eye out…

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